Thursday, September 29, 2011

The biggest shoe

Had to try. Didn't expect this outcome. Had to try though. Didn't want her to be another...
Not important. (EN: Hello Ben!)
Nothing I can do about that now. I tried.
On to the past two days. They have been... odd (EN: I prefer interesting, but odd is less crazy)
So let's roll back to the other night to start. It's going to be difficult enough dealing with yesterday without a decent run-up to it at this point.
Music really helps. I'd settle for white noise at this point, but it's too easy to block out and actually, I think it's setting something off in my head. So music it is.
The problem is, I have idle hands, and I'm rather used to cooking for myself. I wanted to make pancakes, but we needed to get August out of the kitchen. Or you know, just tie him up.
(EN: Sorry about pancake thing August, nice to see you're following the blog though)
I got Opal to distract August, and dragged him into a chair while he was distracted, and then tied him to it. In hindsight, this was not the smartest idea. I'm certain, based on my reactions that I wasn't at all in my right mind. It happens. I wanted pancakes.
"STOPSTOPWHATAREYOUDOING!" (EN: August looks, fights and screams like a girl.)
"Making pancakes!"
Opal was (understandably) alarmed at this point, between the screaming and the tying people up. August on the other hand, reacted a little differently. (EN: The good part is coming up)
"Pancakes, they're delicious." I say as one of the light fixtures bursts.
"We felt guilty cause you were doing all the work-" Opal continues on
"Well, she felt guilt, I was bored." The room goes black.
Spencer's standing in the doorway to the kitchen, looking for all the world like he's trying to recreate the lobby scene from the Matrix, only without a shirt and wearing the rattiest pair of jeans I've ever seen. It's funny what you remember. He's also grinning.
"What in hell's name do you think you're doing?"
"Making pancakes"
Opal starts screaming again "DON'T SHOOT!"
August is relieved as Spencer takes another step into the room.
"you two made August scream"
"Well, I did."
"Yeah, he did!" (EN: Opal, why would you say that? Thanks for throwing me under the bus)
"Do you want pancakes?" I start rummaging through one of the cupboards looking for the gear to make pancakes with it.
"Not smart" Spencer walks out "Holler if Writer or Valtiel shows up. I want pancakes once they're done." (EN: Thanks for not shooting anyone Fitz)
He's left August behind, much to August's dismay.
August resigns himself to his fate apparently. "Fine. You two. Vanilla extracts in the third cupboard from the stove."(EN: Did I mention he was wearing a frilly apron?)
"Thank you August" apparently August was having none of that.
"If it'd make you feel better I'm sure the apron would work as a gag"
Opal protests this and August well... (EN: Hitting us with a spoon wasn't needed Opal)
"Touch the apron and I can guarantee you'll leave this House with your other hand in pieces".
Did I mention he was smiling? (EN: August is a scary person.)
"Opal can you go fetch the mason jar of maple syrup from my van?"
"Alright?" There's a sing-song quality to August's voice (EN: I mean it. Scary person.)
Opal is (understandably) confused. That is easily solved.
"Schnell schnell Opal!" (EN: German is a wonderful language.)
I set to work finding the ingredients for the pancakes, alarming August as I disrupt the neatness of several kitchen cupboards. (EN: Who keeps guns in a kitchen cupboard anyways?)
August thrashes around the whole time.
"You're only going to hurt yourself like that August, the ropes will get tighter and you'll cut of circulation to your hands and then it's going to hurt.
We don't need more hand cripples."
I don't remember much of the rest of the night. The pancakes were fantastic, at some point August managed to get out of the chair and started to undo the damage I'd done. I'm honestly a little surprised about that (the getting untied bit). (EN: I'm usually quite good at it.)
Opal made eggs (EN: They weren't especially good.)
At some point, Todd showed up, thought we were hallucinations. He's a little odd.
Went to sleep later.

The next day was much the same. Music, solitaire. I'm assuming Fitz is recovering from the tangle with Writer. (EN:Which means we could probably get out of here tomorrow)
We went and knocked on Opal's door at the House last night, with a plate of pizza
(EN: Thought I would have to bribe my way in.)
The pizza turned out to be unnecessary, and Opal invited me in. The subject I came to discuss was the previous post. You know the one. I'd hoped to bring August along, but he was busy with Elaine.
For the record? I've never been the best at consoling people. I'm rubbish with funerals for instance.
To say that the subsequent "discussion" didn't go well would be a gross understatement.
(EN: To say it wasn't as successful as we hoped would be the truth)
Opal used the Path. Not... wise. That's how she got to Vermont so quickly. I'm sure that's how she left once she got out of the House. (EN: Should have tied her up.)
You now know why the first thing I did upon meeting Opal was shake her.
I'm not sure just what the Path does to people. Spencer said it was something to do with a frequency, affects the inner ear among other things. I'm staying the hell away from it.

The subsequent discussion wasn't pleasant. Mostly because Opal broke down in the middle of it. She thought the walls were talking to her (EN: It took ten minutes to write that. Kind of sad.)
More than a little suicidal I think was our Opal. Apparently the bastard with the shit eating grin "won't let her die"
In the middle of this, I have an idea. It's a very stupid idea.
As I go out the door to fetch a gun, who should I find there but Spencer.
He punched me. (EN: Did you have to punch us that hard?)
Let me repeat that. Spencer punched me.
I sort of sat there for a minute and then went to fetch some ice.

You know that scene in Fight Club? Where Tyler and the Narrator mug the asian fellow to make him appreciate his life? Similar principle. Make someone decide whether or not they want to live by sticking a gun in their face.
Spencer keeps guns in the kitchen. (EN: Funny what you remember)
I unload the gun, stick it down the back of my pants and grab some ice for the spot I was punched. That's going to bruise nicely.
I walk back into the room, pull the gun on Opal. This? This was the bad idea. Since I wouldn't know if Spencer would know if the gun was loaded or not.
I'm not going to write out the rest.
It ended with me getting slapped by Opal. (EN: If I find out you let her go Fitz?)
Probably a bad idea. (EN: I stand by our initial idea as being brilliant)
And now she's gone. (EN: No more Jessicas.)


  1. Hello to you too.
    Shame you and Opal didn't work out. If she stops commenting here after this, I might get lonely.
    Also, Spencer, if you read this, he's totally threatening you in the editor's notes.

  2. S'all cool, Ben. Not ever gambit works.
    Hahaha. I know this because Tyler knows this.